


A Normal Day in the EXO Family

by t_dragon



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Crack, Minor Byun Baekhyun/Park Chanyeol, Minor Do Kyungsoo | D.O/Kim Jongin | Kai, Minor Kim Minseok | Xiumin/Lu Han, Minor Oh Sehun/Huang Zi Tao | Z.Tao
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-11
Updated: 2017-11-11
Packaged: 2019-01-31 17:07:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,677
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12686457
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/t_dragon/pseuds/t_dragon
Summary: Where nobody wants to have breakfast with mama Junmyeon, and he starts to doubt their love.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is not seriously intended anywhere, just a short crack fic that I hope might bring a smile to your face, nothing deeper than that!

 It was a normal day in the EXO family…

 “Why is nobody up yet?” Junmyeon exclaimed, frowning deeply. Spotting Yifan, he called out to the other man. “Hey, Kris! Where are the children?”

 Yifan stopped in his tracks, throwing a look in Junmyeon’s direction before slowly backing up and going into the kitchen.

 “Uh, how should I know?” Yifan asked, making Junmyeon sigh.

 “You need to know where your children are, of course, as their dad!”

 “But shouldn’t you know where they are as well then-”

 “AHEM, have you seen Baekhyun, for example?”

 Yifan gave a shudder, shaking his head.

 “I saw him and Chanyeol go into a room yesterday, so I’m pretty sure I don’t want to see either of them right now…”

 Junmyeon grimaced, agreeing to that and quickly moving on to other subjects. Or, well, children.

 “What about my baby cook Soo, then? Why isn’t he making breakfast?”

 “Can’t you make brea-,” Yifan began, stopping himself as Junmyeon gave him a hard glare. “Well, I saw him just now, going into the bathroom. The one where Jongin is showering, so I don’t think we should check on them either.”

 Just then, Luhan walked into the kitchen, ignoring the two others in favor of going to the coffee machine and starting it.

 “Luhan, my sweet child, it’s so nice to see you!” Junmyeon cooed, throwing himself at the Chinese and wrapping his arms around him. “At least one of you understand the importance of breakfast!”

 “Nah, just need coffee,” Luhan answered monotonously, clearly not fully awake yet.

 “Oh, no, that won’t do! You need to eat a healthy breakfast!” Junmyeon protested, releasing Luhan to cross his arms over his chest and give Luhan his best stern look.

 “I don’t like eating this early in the morning,” Luhan whined.

 “Doesn’t matter, coffee on an empty stomach isn’t good for you!” Junmyeon said, tutting and glancing over at Yifan. “Kris, help me a little bit here, you need to set limits for your kids! I can’t be the bad parent!”

 “Ah, yeah, right,” Yifan said, clearing his throat and placing a hand on Luhan’s shoulder. “Son, do as your mom says.”

 “I’M LITERALLY OLDER THAN BOTH OF YOU!” Luhan exclaimed, bad morning mood showing up due to too much silliness before morning coffee.

 “Then maybe you should have been the leader,  _ hyung _ !” Junmyeon shot back, voice calm as if dealing with a misbehaving child.

 Before Luhan managed to scream anything more, Minseok arrived in the kitchen, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. Without missing a beat, he walked over to the cupboard, took down a cup, walked past Luhan and gave him a three seconds long kiss, and then over to the coffee machine and filled his cup with freshly made coffee. Taking a sip, he gave a small, dreamy smile, before continuing out of the kitchen again.

 The three men in the kitchen stared after him, before Luhan stammered out some random words, hurriedly grabbing his own cup and filling it with coffee.

 “Luhan, we haven’t finished talking about this!” Junmyeon warned, but with a small wave, Luhan was already out of the kitchen, chasing after Minseok. Sighing, Junmyeon glared up at Yifan. “You know, this is all your fault!”

 “What? My fault? Why?” Yifan asked in disbelief.

 “If you didn’t make me the bad guy in every situation, our kids would be so much better behaved!” Junmyeon exclaimed, rolling his eyes. “But no, you have to be the  _ cool _ dad! But guess what - that changes now, mister! From now on, I’m the cool mom, and you’re the stern dad!”

 Sputtering and trying to protest, Yifan was interrupted by Zitao entering the kitchen, looking around.

 “Ah, my sweet baby Tao! Finally someone who appreciate having breakfast with his mom!” Junmyeon exclaimed, eyes twinkling in elation.

 But his hopes were quickly stomped down.

 “No, I’m going on a bubble tea date with Sehun,” Zitao said, seemingly remembering something and then going up to Yifan. “Hey, can I get some money to buy bubble tea?”

 “Sure!” Yifan said, pulling out his wallet and handing Zitao some money.

 Before Junmyeon had the chance to do more than gasp and shake his head, Zitao had already accepted the money and skipped out of the kitchen.

 “KRIS!” Junmyeon exploded, before groaning and holding his head. “You were supposed to become sterner! You can’t just give him money like that!”

 “Oh. Crap,” Yifan said, looking a bit shameful. “Right…”

 “Anyway, let’s have breakfast you and me, then, since nobody else seems to want to eat with me…,” Junmyeon muttered massaging his temples.

 “Actually…,” Yifan awkwardly chuckled, holding a hand up. “Yixing asked me to help him with some stuff…”

 For a second, it looked as if Junmyeon was about to explode yet again. Then he pinched the bridge of his nose, and breathed in and out deeply a few times.

 “Okay,” Junmyeon said in a completely neutral voice that kind of scared Yifan. “Fine. Whatever. Go to Yixing and help him, then. Just go, and leave me alone.”

 Yifan wrung his hands nervously as he tried to read the obviously upset man.

 “Uh, you sure? You know, I could stay-”

 “Yea, I’m sure, I’m fine, just go.”

 “Really? Myeonnie, I can stay and eat-”

 “No, it’s fine. Go. Get out. Now.”

 More scared of what could happen if he stayed than if he left, Yifan gave an awkward bow, before hurrying out of the kitchen. As he went, Jongdae arrived, but he just frowned in confusion over Yifan’s try at signalling to him to not go into the kitchen.

 “Why are you looking like somebody killed your cat?” Jongdae asked as he saw Junmyeon with his upper body sprawled over the kitchen counter.

 “Jongdae?” Junmyeon said in a weak voice, raising his head to see said man. “Jongdae, my baby! At least somebody loves me!”

 Before Jongdae had the chance to escape, Junmyeon had attacked and wrapped his arms around the younger, pulling him towards the kitchen table and quickly whipping up a breakfast (cereal and milk). And so, Jongdae was forced to eat with Junmyeon, awkwardly laughing over Junmyeon’s silly dad jokes as Junmyeon shone like a bright star.

 

 Evening had finally come, and it looked like Junmyeon would have no one to eat dinner with (Jongdae had escaped a few hours earlier). Sighing, he sat down by the large table, supposed to seat twelve people, but now only holding one, along with his broken heart.

 But before he had the chance to sink fully into self-pity, Junmyeon was brutally surprised by loud singing. Slamming a hand over his heart, he wide-eyedly took in the eleven members piling into the room, carrying different things or just clapping their hands.

 “Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you! Happy birthday, dear Junmyeon… Happy birthday to you!” they sang, and Junmyeon felt his eyes start to water.

 “Oh my god, you guys…,” Junmyeon choked out, holding a hand over his mouth as happiness bubbled up inside of him. “You remembered! Even I didn’t remember!”

 “You really think we’d forget our beloved leader’s birthday?” Baekhyun teased, sitting down in the chair next to Junmyeon and grinning widely at him. “Why do you think we’ve been staying away from you all day?”

 “SO WE COULD PREPARE THIS!” Chanyeol yelled, getting up on another chair and pulling on the tube in his hands. A loud explosion was heard, startling a few members (Junmyeon and Baekhyun most noticeably), before confetti started to rain down over the table.

 Different pots were placed on the table, revealing Junmyeon’s favorite dishes, Kyungsoo and Chanyeol claiming the honor of cooking it. When they had done that - and where - Junmyeon had no idea, but he was too happy to care.

 “You really do love me,” Junmyeon whispered, earning himself a slap to the back of the head. Frowning and looking over his shoulder, he saw Yifan standing there, looking like his normal cold city guy self.

 “Of course we do, how could you ever doubt that? We are one, aren’t we?”

 At that, Junmyeon finally properly burst out into tears, and earned himself a hug attack from as many members that could fit around him.


	2. Bonus: Mama Junmyeon goes on vacation

 Junmyeon sighed as he closed his eyes and leaned back. The kids had been horrible lately, and Yifan - of course - had been of no help…

 After a near mental breakdown, Junmyeon had realized that it was time to do something drastic.

 He decided to go on a vacation.

 Yes, Junmyeon was going to spend two weeks away from the house, just lazing around, lounging in the sun and sipping on expensive drinks. He felt that he deserved this little break, considering all that he had gone through. Like-

 With another sigh, Junmyeon shook his head. No, he was going to relax and take it easy, and not get worked up over the little brats… They could handle themselves for two weeks without him, surely!

 ...Right?

 Junmyeon, goddammit, they’re good boys, of course they can! And Yifan will be there to take care of them as well!

 ...Ah, shit.

 Anyway! Even if it ended in catastrophe, there were some responsible members, and they could deal!

 Huffing a bit over his thoughts, Junmyeon opened his eyes and looked around. There was a light breeze playing with the palm leaves, but it did not do much in helping cool the air. The sun was shining brightly, with barely a cloud in the sky, and Junmyeon started to think that heaven really is a place on Earth.

 When he accidentally met eyes with the handsome lifeguard, who gave a charming smile, Junmyeon started to believe this even more. Yes, he was going to have a good two weeks vacation…

 Wait. What the hell was that?

 It sounded like a dying… Dinosaur…?

_ Fu- _

 All of a sudden, Junmyeon found himself being buried alive by a mass of bodies. He tried to scream for help, but his screams were drowned by others yelling and panicked laughter.

 “How dare you leave us with only Kris?!” somebody was hysterically crying over Junmyeon, and he recognized Zitao’s voice.

 “Seriously, you really think he could handle things?” came another voice, a calmer voice that Junmyeon identified as Sehun’s.

 Junmyeon tried to say something, but he was being choked by the massive weight on top of him.

 “Okay, okay, you guys, let’s get off him, he looks like he can’t breathe.”

 “WU YIFAN!” Junmyeon screeched as the boys began to pull back from him, and he could finally take a breath. “YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO WATCH OVER THE KIDS SO I COULD GET SOME VACATION!”

 Yifan looked a bit abashed, rubbing the back of his neck and looking down on the ground.

 “He literally almost burned the kitchen down ten minutes after you’d left for the airport,” Kyungsoo drawled, sitting next to Jongin on a sunlounger next to Junmyeon’s, both apparently having not joined in on the stacking. “At least you keep away from the kitchen and let me and Chanyeol deal with it…”

 Junmyeon frowned a little as he looked between the slightly blushing Yifan, and the bored-looking Kyungsoo.

 “But… I’ve been here for three days already?” Junmyeon asked, confused to why they decided to show up  _ now _ .

 “Yeah, well, after almost burning down the kitchen, we ordered takeout for the next few meals, right?” Baekhyun began, giving an innocent smile as Yifan glared at him, obviously trying to get the younger to shut up. “Well, this dude manages to order the one thing we all don’t like. He gave me cucumber soup!”

 “But that’s not the worst, nope!” Jongdae exclaimed, already slapping his own knees as he tried to push his laughing down with deep breaths. “He almost gave Yixing an allergic shock!”

 Gasping, Junmyeon tried to find the poor man in the crowd around him, breathing a sigh of relief as Yixing gave a small smile and a wave, appearing to be fine.

 “Hey, you can’t blame this all on me! I only picked up the orders you guys wanted, not my fault that you handed them out to each other wrong!” Yifan protested weakly.

 “Well, Myeonnie would have made sure we got the right stuff!” Zitao exclaimed, poking his tongue out in Yifan’s direction.

 “Alright, alright! Let’s stop fighting!” Junmyeon called out, clapping his hands together, and the banter and laughing immediately died down. “Since you’re all here already, I guess… Oh, my poor heart… I guess we should all just spend two weeks here, together, on vacation…”

 Cheers broke out, Beagle line plus Maknae line being the loudest. A lot of strange looks were sent their way, but Junmyeon quickly deflected them with his own sharp glares. He might have a strange family, but they were his family, and he would protect them no matter what!

 “Hey, wait, we’re missing two people, where’s the two oldest?” Junmyeon asked, looking around as he noticed that they were too few people around.

 “Ah, well…,” Yifan slowly said, moving and pointing. “In the pool. The bar pool. Getting drunk, I assume.”

 Before Junmyeon could fly out of his seat and head off to scold Minseok and Luhan, Sehun sat down in his lap, patting his head.

 “Take it easy, calm down, we’re on vacation. Relax,” Sehun said, neutral face in place.

 Sighing, Junmyeon sank back, nodding.

 “Okay. Fine. It is a vacation, after all, so sure… Let them drink!”

 With an even louder cheer, Beagle line got up and set off. As they were going past the pool area, Chanyeol slipped on some water, but managed to stay on his feet. All three froze, before Chanyeol slapped a hand over his heart and breathed out so hard Junmyeon could hear it from a few meters away. In a heartbeat, Baekhyun and Jongdae burst out laughing, also almost falling down, until they all hooked their arms together and slowly began to try to make it to the bar pool in one piece.

 Teamwork at its highest level, indeed…

 Junmyeon noticed the lifeguard sending the three boys worried looks, and he winced in embarrassment. So long, calm and peaceful vacation… So long, mysterious summer flirt… So long, rest…

 “Oh, look, it’s Taemin!” Jongin exclaimed, giving a silly grin as he began to wave his arm in a greeting. “I wonder what he’s doing here… Let’s hang out with him, hyung!”

 Taemin, who had been waving just as vigorously back, suddenly took a frightened step back and ended up plummeting into the pool he had just gotten out of. Junmyeon was pretty sure that Taemin’s surprise dip and the fact that Kyungsoo had just turned around to look at him had something to do with each other.

 “Oh, whoops, he drowned, too bad, let’s go do something else,” Kyungsoo said, standing up and dragging a worried-looking Jongin with him.

 How Jongin still did not get that Kyungsoo was extremely jealous, Junmyeon honestly did not know. The boy was smart, but sometimes he could be really dense.

 Taemin resurfaced, sputtering water and clinging to the edge of the pool, the cute lifeguard helping him up.

 “Are you okay, Taemin?” Junmyeon called out, and Taemin jerked. Upon realizing that Kyungsoo had left, he seemed to relax, and gave a smile and a thumb up.

 “Yeah, I’m fine, hyung!” Taemin called back, and Junmyeon breathed a sigh of relief.

 Even if Kyungsoo only ended up  _ accidentally _ killing someone, it would be pretty bad.

 

 Despite how the family vacation began, it continued and ended in a much better fashion. And Junmyeon had to admit - maybe it was better to be on a family vacation, than to be on a vacation on your own.

 Yes, that was probably tru-

 “Hey, mom, here’s the tab for the room service,” Sehun said, handing Junmyeon a piece of paper.

 Noticing that it was folded up, Junmyeon frowned and took a hold of one of the corners, letting the paper fold out on its own.

 Until it almost reached the floor.

 “WHAT HAVE YOU GUYS BEEN DOING-”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was talking to a reader, and we started throwing ideas around, and then this happened... So I completely blame them for this, lol!  
> Also, BIG THANK YOU YET AGAIN TO @FirelovesLight_ WHO TAGGED ME IN A FANFIC WRITER APPRECIATION TWEET, ALONGSIDE SOME REALLY GREAT WRITERS! I'M STILL SO NEW TO THIS, SO I FEEL SO INCREDIBLY HONORED ;0; <3 I'LL TRY NOT TO DISAPPOINT!

**Author's Note:**

> No, I have no idea what this is, yes, it's 2.30 in the morning, and yes, I wrote this in like half an hour because my cat is sleeping in my spot in the bed and I don't have the heart to throw him out... Have been having OT12 feels the entire day, so I guess I know where I got the inspiration from, lol!


End file.
